Worst Way To Tell Someone They Gave You An STD
How NOT To Tell Someone You Have An STD
So you have an STD. Maybe you’re a good person who had a momentary lapse of judgment after a few too many Jagerbombs. Maybe you need a refresher course on how to properly put on a condom. Maybe perhaps you’re just a badass with a devil-may-care attitude about having bareback sex with strangers. Whatever the case, it sucks to have an STD. Whether yours involves bumps, burning, or drips, you’ve put everyone you’re sleeping with at risk of having the disease, too. Hopefully, you are aware that you have to inform anyone you’re sleeping with about your little problem, even if you choose to forego owning up to it and resort to using an Anonymous Notification Tool. In this case, no news is NOT good news.
The Worst Ways To Tell Someone You Have An STD
A Guide to Avoid:
Discussing your sexually transmitted disease (STD) status with a partner or potential partner is a delicate and sensitive matter that requires careful consideration. To avoid causing unnecessary distress or misunderstandings, it’s essential to approach the conversation respectfully and thoughtfully. Here’s a guide on the worst ways to tell someone you have an STD and why you should avoid them.
- During intimate moments: Bringing up your STD status while you’re already engaged in sexual activity can be a significant mood killer and may cause your partner to feel blindsided. Discussing your condition before engaging in any intimate acts is essential to ensure both parties are informed and can make safe decisions.
- In public places: Public places like restaurants, bars, or parks are not appropriate settings for discussing personal health matters. Your partner may feel uncomfortable or embarrassed, and their privacy may be compromised. Choose a private, quiet, and comfortable location for the conversation instead.
- Over text or social media: Disclosing your STD status through text messages or social media platforms can lead to miscommunication and may not provide the necessary space for a meaningful conversation. It’s essential to have this discussion in person or via phone call or video chat if distance is a factor.
- Using euphemisms or vague language: Being indirect or unclear when discussing your STD can lead to confusion and misunderstandings. Be honest, clear, and specific about your condition to ensure your partner fully grasps the situation and its implications.
- Blaming your partner or previous partners: Pointing fingers or blaming others for your STD is unproductive and may cause resentment or defensiveness. Please focus on the facts of your condition, its management, and preventive measures rather than assigning blame.
- Downplaying the seriousness of your STD: Minimizing the impact or severity of your STD may give your partner a false sense of security and lead to risky behavior. Be honest about the potential risks and complications associated with your condition and provide accurate information on how to prevent transmission.
- Not allowing your partner to ask questions or express their feelings: Shutting down your partner’s questions or concerns can make them feel unheard or dismissed. Encourage open communication, answer their questions honestly, and validate their emotions.
- Disclosing your status when intoxicated: Discussing your STD while under the influence of alcohol or drugs can impair your judgment, hinder clear communication, and potentially lead to regrettable decisions. Ensure that both you and your partner are sober during this important conversation.
- Ignoring the issue: Avoiding the conversation altogether is irresponsible and risks your partner’s health. While discussing your STD may be challenging, it’s crucial for building trust, maintaining a healthy relationship, and protecting the well-being of both parties involved.
By avoiding these pitfalls and approaching the conversation with honesty, empathy, and understanding, you can successfully disclose your STD status and protect your and your partner’s health.
When it comes time to break the news, make sure you’re a decent human being who doesn’t deliver the message in any of the following ways:
1. By Email
There are many situations where email is both appropriate and necessary- communicating with your boss at work, sending your parents recent pictures of your kids, updating all your friends on how much fun you’re having on vacation in Thailand, etc. Telling your partner that they need to take an STD test is not one of those situations. When you find yourself in that predicament, the best thing to do is tell them in person. Give them the chance to slap you in the face. Even a phone call would be better than an email. Screaming obscenities at you over the phone is way more cathartic than typing an angry email response full of exclamation points.
2. With an eCard
Just, no. With the possibility of using an Anonymous Notification Tool to alert someone that they need to get tested without including your name, why would you ever try to combine humor with something as serious as sexual health? Your Facebook timeline should be a safe haven full of videos of cats playing piano and Sarcastic Willy Wonka memes, not a traumatic reminder of the skank from the John Mayer concert who gave you the Clap. That’s just rude.
3. By leaving a note right after sex
If you’re leaving a note for someone you’ve slept with, it should be cute or sexy. Writing “Let’s get freaky” on a napkin and leaving it on the bar for the cute bartender is one thing; scribbling a warning that their genitals will probably start itching soon after sleeping with them is a completely different move. It’s called a ‘dick move,’ and if you do it, you are a dick.
4. With a gift
Maybe you’re a sarcastic guy who thinks it’s funny to give someone really bad news with a gift. Maybe you’re an idiot who legitimately thinks that leaving the note on top of an Xbox will somehow make the guy you just gave chlamydia feel a little less angry. Either way, nothing says “Destroy Me” quite like what would be an otherwise awesome gift that’s actually informing you that you probably have an STD.
5. By telling their friend and having their friend tell them
This method is reserved for the lowest of the low. Now, not only have you possibly given her an STD, but all of her friends are going to know. You’ve added an entirely new layer of embarrassment to the crap cake that you baked with your genitals. You shouldn’t be spreading gossip -or anything else- about such a delicate topic.
Medically Reviewed by Joshua Hwang, MD on June 11, 2023
Author: Kristena Ducre
Kristena is a sex-positive LGBTQ ally and general fan of sexy things. As a writer, she is passionate about empowering people's sex lives with accurate and straightforward information. Sex can be a ton of fun, but sexual health is not a laughing matter. In the bedroom, as in life, knowledge is power.